5 things I’ve learned in my 20s that I’m taking to my 30s (Part 1)

“The only impossible journey is the one you never begin.” – Tony Robbins

During my 20s, I gained a lot of knowledge and made loads of mistakes, all of which helped me become the person I am today. Mistakes happen to the best of us, but as long as you can learn from them, it’s a positive outcome.

I was fortunate enough to attend and graduate from university with a master’s in civil engineering, volunteer in Zambia, fall in love and have a long-term partner, as well as travel to countries I never thought I’d visit. But as I approached the end of my 20s, we experienced the pandemic. During that time, I lost my dad, my relationship fell apart, I had a fallout with one of my best mates, and I had to move back in with my mum as she wasn’t feeling well.

1. Family: The Unseen Pillar

Outcome: Prioritize Time with Family and Maintain Strong Connections

In my 20s, I learned that time with family is incredibly valuable. Our parents aren’t getting any younger, and it’s important to spend quality time with them if you’re fortunate enough to still have both. I lost my dad the month I turned 29, and it was an unexpected and painful experience. Afterward, I moved in with my mother to help her out as she wasn’t feeling well and still healing from his death.

One key takeaway I learned is to not lose contact with your parents when you move out. Make it a habit to call your sibling and parent regularly to check in and see how they’re doing. Family keeps you grounded and reminds you of your roots, even if you’re miles away.

Advice:

1. Make Regular Contact: Schedule regular calls (or maybe a simple WhatsApp message can suffice) with your parents and siblings. This keeps the bond strong and shows you care.
2. Spend Quality Time: Whenever possible, spend meaningful time with your family. It could be a simple dinner, a weekend visit, or a holiday together.
3. Resolve Conflicts: If there are any unresolved issues or conflicts, take the initiative to address and resolve them. Holding onto grudges only creates more distance.

Maintaining a strong connection with your family can provide emotional support and a sense of belonging, which is invaluable as you navigate through life.

2. Good Friends: The Chosen Family

Outcome: Build Lasting Friendships with Like-Minded People

Good friends are hard to come by. My closest friends are those I met whilst at university and during my solo travels. Sadly, I barely keep in touch with my childhood friends. It’s crucial to have like-minded friends—those who share your interests, ambitions, and hobbies, and who are up for trying new things.

In simple, a good friend is there for you in times of need, whether you’re struggling or just need a pick-me-up. As you get older, free time becomes scarce due to work and family commitments, so choose your friends wisely. The friends you make in your 20s are likely to be some of the friends you’ll keep for life.

Advice:

1. Choose Like-Minded Friends: Surround yourself with friends who share your passions and goals. These friendships will be more meaningful and supportive.
2. Be Present: A good friend is there in both good times and bad. Be that reliable person for your friends.
3. Value Quality Over Quantity: Focus on building a few strong, meaningful friendships rather than having a large number of acquaintances.
4. Stay Connected: Make an effort to keep in touch, even if it’s just a quick message or call. Regular communication helps maintain strong bonds.

Maintaining strong friendships can provide a support system that enriches your life and helps you navigate its challenges.

3. A Loving Partner: Finding Your Core Values

Outcome: Identify Core Values and Stay Open to Love

Your 20s can either make or break a relationship. I didn’t get into my first long-term relationship until my late 20s. Honestly, at one point, I didn’t think I would ever be in one, but it lasted for about four years. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out for reasons not worth getting too deep into, but the point is, I learned so much from it. I strongly believe it made me a better person and gave me a clearer idea of what my core values are in a relationship.

It’s unfortunate that we often search for love expecting it from a specific person instead of being open to someone unexpected. Here’s what I’ve learned:

Advice:

1. Identify Your Core Values: Determine the top three values you look for in a person. Detail and refine them until you know exactly what you want.
2. Stay Open: Be open to love from unexpected places. Don’t let societal or familial expectations dictate your choices.
3. Trust Yourself: If you find someone attractive, that’s all that matters. Don’t let friends or family determine who you should be with.

Finding a loving partner involves understanding what truly matters to you and being open to unexpected opportunities. By focusing on your core values and trusting your own judgment, you can build a fulfilling relationship.

4. Investment: Smart Moves Over Quick Gains

Outcome: Research Thoroughly and Think Long-Term

I lost a significant amount of money making poor investment choices, and I’m not talking about investing in myself.

I’m talking about investing in crypto, shares, and stocks. Look, I know this is on me. I was an idiot (to be honest, I still am at times). I genuinely believed that Crypto could grow, so I put a lot of money into it. Then, I accidentally clicked on a link without doing any research, which gave someone access to a backdoor, and they took all the money I had put into Crypto (£10k to be exact).

And don’t get me started on companies—I put money into a CBD company and AMC because my mates swore they were going to blow up, but guess what? They didn’t—surprise, surprise. What I’m trying to say is that you should put some deep thought into it if you’re looking to invest your hard-earned money, especially when it comes to Crypto, as the market is incredibly volatile. Don’t follow any company hyped on social media without doing your research.

Advice:

1. Do Thorough Research: Before investing in anything, make sure to research extensively. Understand the market, the risks involved, and the potential returns.
2. Think Long-Term: Focus on stable, long-term investments rather than looking for quick gains. Quick wins are often more volatile and riskier.
3. Avoid Hype: Be cautious of investment tips from social media and avoid getting swayed by hype. Always verify information from credible sources.

Investing is a crucial part of financial growth, but it requires careful consideration and a long-term mindset. By being diligent and avoiding rash decisions, you can protect your investments and potentially see better returns.

5.     Career: Balancing Passion and Practicality

Outcome: Strive for Balance and Explore Opportunities

Career will always be an ongoing issue for the majority of us, whether we like it or not. We spend a lot of our time at work, often during the core hours of our days. Currently, I’m working as a Civil Engineer for a construction company in the railway industry. Although I enjoy parts of it, I’ve always sensed that it’s not where I want to be long-term. For now, I’ve accepted it, but that doesn’t stop me from exploring other ways to earn a living.

Advice:

1. Strive for Balance: Don’t let work consume your life. Make time for hobbies, relaxation, and loved ones.
2. Explore Opportunities: Keep looking for new opportunities that align with your passions and interests. Never stop seeking what makes you happy.
3. Stay Grateful: If you enjoy your work, appreciate it. And if you don’t enjoy it, then be grateful for having one (it doesn’t need to be a permanent job but something till you figure things out) and keep moving forward to find something better.
4. Persevere: If you’re looking for work, keep pushing on and hope for the best. Your persistence will pay off in the long run.

Work can be tedious and sometimes feel like a rat race, but don’t let it take over your life. Learn to enjoy the little things around you and keep striving for a balance that works for you.

Conclusion

Looking back at my 20s, I learned invaluable lessons that I’ll carry into my 30s. Family time is precious, good friends are your chosen family, understanding your core values is key in relationships, thorough research is essential in investments, and finding a balance between work and personal life is crucial. Embrace these lessons and let them guide you into the next decade.

I’ve also wrote this post on Medium.